I Love You; I Need You to Survive

By: Leah Penniman
Edited by: Onyx Ramírez
This blog post contains the personal opinions and reflections of the author and is not representative of the voice of the organization.

By Leah Penniman , Co-Founder at Soul Fire Farm

On the closing night of our weeklong farming immersion, we watched the campfire scintillating into the black night and took turns sharing our hearts and voices in the cipher. Original poem followed capoeira rodinha, followed theater game, until we settled into a collective song. In harmony and tenderness, we sang the gospel hymn from the Love Fellowship Choir;

 “I need you, you need me, we’re all a part of one body, you are important to me, I need you to survive. I won’t harm you with words from my mouth. I love you, I need you to survive.”

We looked into one another's eyes, and the sincerity of the commitment to try not to harm, to try to remember ourselves into kinship, was a soothing balm on the wounds of lateral violence so many in the circle had endured.

“In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, it's important to uplift the ways that we - those of us committed to social change, ecological care, and Black and Indigenous liberation - can and must love one another better.”

Populations with higher than average rates of severe mental illness and suicide include farmers, humanitarian workers, Black and Indigenous people, and QTPOC, in other words - us, and our beloved community. As we work diligently to address the structural underpinnings of this crisis, including access to health care, eradication of poverty, and freedom from violence, we also ask ourselves what can be done within our formations to support collective well-being. We ask ourselves, even if we cannot undo the trauma, how can we at least not exacerbate it? 

A few “How can I love you better?” strategies

  • Provide resources for all teammates to access professional mental health care outside of the organization (e.g., QSEHRA, health insurance, wellness stipend.)

  • Train and retrain the team on skillful disagreement and conflict transformation (e.g., nonviolent communication, courageous conversations.)

  • Practice and commit to addressing concerns with one another directly and face-to-face, using the protocols from your training.

  • Offer proactive and regular opportunities for folks to give feedback to all others on the team, and to the organization itself, in both verbal and written form. Have a transparent process for integrating feedback and evolving your practices. 

  • Agree to eschew performative cruelty in all of its forms (e.g. public shaming, bullying, triangulation, gossipping, etc.)

  • Have a professional mediator “on retainer” and/or use the free agricultural mediation services offered in many states.

  • Dedicate time and resources for folks’ in the group to spend time getting to know one another beyond “the work,” to build trust and mutual understanding.

  • Write down your collective agreements and decision-making processes in exquisite detail and in full transparency. Hold one another accountable to these agreements with care, courage, and consistency.

  • Create a paid time-off policy and Sabbatical policy, including resources for redundancy and coverage, that acknowledges the need for rest and mental wellness.

  • Practice grace. Everyone makes mistakes, no one has the whole truth, and no one is disposable.

Perhaps the most moving single act of grace I have witnessed was the offering of a forgiveness ritual by my mediation teacher, Dara Elebe Williams. She and her co-teachers got down on their knees on the hard floor before their students and bowed low, saying;

“For any harm I have caused you in thought, word, or deed, intentionally or unintentionally, I ask for your forgiveness.

For any harm you have caused me in thought, word, or deed, intentionally or unintentionally, you are already forgiven.”

To that I say, “Amen. Ase.” May these sentiments reverberate and flourish in our collective body.

For further learning on collective care, I enthusiastically recommend the following:

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